Teach me Patience
for I am my own downfall
Always holding on too tight
Trying to grasp onto life
Leaving bruises with my clawed fingers
Unable to accept
the ethereal, the abstract
The need to see everything
and understand everything
and hold everything
Infinitely drawn to the mysterious
Yet unable to handle mystery
It drives me insane
I am intensity
I am a volcano
Ready to move the earth itself
when I’m awoken
I am beautiful
I am terrifying
I have too much to give
How do I teach my hands to be gentle?
Teach my thoughts to be patient?
When it is against my nature to be restrained
I am my own downfall
Running headfirst into chaos
Without any regrets
I want all the beauty
and all the pain
Staring into the face of all horror
I would rather feel every bit of heartbreak
Than feel nothing at all
The more I try to be patient
The more impatient I become
My mind a cacophony of all the thoughts and words left unsaid
I love so much that it hurts
Yet I would rather love and lose
and be a martyr
than be anything less than what I am
My love is not pure
I am but a selfish child
Angry at the world
That no one else can give as much as I
That no one else would suffer as much as I
I am not for the lighthearted
I am not for the reserved
Unapologetically crass
Brutal in my fight for justice
in my fight for what is real
I have all the answers
I hold the key to happiness
in my blood stained hands
But in my stubborn nature
My temptation is strong
to throw it all away
To succumb to the force of gravity
Pulling me once more into my orbit
Forever wishing to be free
yet unable to let go
© 2024 Marieke de Koker Artwork © 2014 Marieke de Koker monoprint on ink & digital art
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