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Updated: May 6


I have been chasing after her 

for more than a decade

She is as elusive and mysterious

as she is entrancing

I wore down my feet 

in marathon lengths

until I faced mountains and cliffs 

too steep to climb

Why, God, why 

was I not given wings to fly? 

I walked through storms and dark 

until I broke my bones

I broke my heart 

No longer able to walk 

I screamed in silence 


all dignity 


all hope

of any freedom

Losing everything

I thought mattered most 

I learned to see beauty

Not in the vast horizons far beyond


in frail fleeting blossoms

in resilience of frosted seedlings

the delicate balance of nature

taking only what is needed 

to sustain

We only have what we have

Here and now.

And there

I saw her face at last.

In the growing pains

of resetting bones 

My greatest pains

My greatest fears

Gave me


© 2024 Marieke de Koker

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