I stood naked on the National Mall
and surrendered my faith
out of desperation
For too long I had carried around my sufferings
and the sins of my ancestors
rested on my shoulders like a cursed cross
to which I clung as they rotted my core
I wore the scars and white tar
as a symbol of my wretched legacy
Vanilla
the epitome of White privilege
White guilt
raised in segregation
mocking the runaways and mopani worms
a toddler spewing racist words
carried on the backs of African women
I never realized that forgiveness was not meant to free the sinners
It was meant to free the hands of the inflicted
from carrying the heavy burdens of trauma
to have the strength to build a better future
We repeated nine prayers
in the name of God and the Universe
A stranger bathed me in healing waters
As I felt the welcome chill run down my spine
caressing my skin
I felt weightless
and awoke transported
Empowered by release
I am not defined by my past
I am not defined by my family
I am not defined by my ancestors
For ten years I had sung the same song
longing to be free
only to find the key to freedom
had been in my hand all along
waiting to be awoken
© 2023 Marieke de Koker
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